Timeslaughter

1 Ouch.
I have a confession to make. I love old games. The goofier and weirder, the better; I’m still trying to track down a copy of Smashing Pumpkins Into Small Piles Of Putrid Debris. By the way, bonus point if you know the history behind THAT title.

Thing is, despite my love of budget games, Timeslaughter… oh, what’s the word? Ah, yes!

Sucks. It sucks in ways that are incredibly difficult to describe, although I’ll give it the old college try here.

First off, the character designs are a joke. They read like scrawlings in a 7th grade jock’s notebook on “THINGS THAT WOULD MAKE A TOTALLY KILLER GAME, WITH BLOOD AND STUFF”. The controls are awkward, the much-hyped fatalities are idiotic, and the overall effect is ridiculous.

I know that this is the sort of game that was created to capitalize on the wave of popularity that Mortal Kombat held back in the day… and it shows. Badly. Remember, people, there’s a reason that the gameplay for Street Fighter 2 HD is the same as before, while no one even THINKS of playing MK1 nowadays.

Do yourself a favor. Forget you ever saw this entry. Run. Run as fast as your legs can carry you. Go play something good, like Little Fighter 2, or get a copy of Mugen or somesuch. If you even touch this game, you will begin to feel a filth that you will never be able to wash off.